I’ve been up and down all week. Sometimes, a good cry is all we really need in those situations; along with some quiet time, a notebook, box of tissues. I’m
oversensitive and that’s why I tend to avoid large crowds of people, live so far from family, have (very) few friends. I’m sure this falls into the category of affective disorders but I’m not going to go all WebMD about it. I’ve always been this way.
Last night, while in my fortress of solitude, I watched a documentary about Feminism. I’m no political scholar, mind you. But, it was still interesting for me to see how very difficult it was for women to reach some semblance of equality under the law and even just as a culturally accepted concept; the things women did not have the right to do, to be, to decide. I’m not going to lie, I cursed a bit at the TV when they played clips from the 70’s as examples of the conservative mindset. Things like that remind me of how, when I was growing up, my parents were very clear that I could do anything a man could do. I was not limited to dolls and all things pink and frilly. I played with he-man, thundercats, matchbox cars, WWF wrestling figures, all things radio shack (armitron!), watched GI-JOE, Transformers, VOLTRON, wore camouflage pants and played in the dirt (and… I did occasionally play with dolls). My mom and dad did not put me in a box. I’m grateful for that.
And then… I think to myself… the irony of that fact. I’ve put myself in a box so many times, whether I’m hiding out from people and life in general or talking myself out of taking risks. The other day, on some TV show, I heard “What’s the nice word for selfish? Oh, yeah, **independent** (insert laugh track here)”. I thought to myself, ‘that must be how some people see me’. I’ve often been referred to as **independent**. I suppose that does mean I’m selfish, to an extent.
My life is much less complicated than when I was married and miserable (my entire 20’s). But, really, when I think about it…I’m just dealing with less people now than I used to. Less people telling me what’s wrong with me, or how I should do this or that. Yeah, every now and then I do need a kick in the pants, but I will not tolerate judgement and other people’s agendas for the simple reason that I don’t have to. I don’t engage in arguments about it either, I just remove myself from the equation. I know that this tactic comes off as “cold” and yeah…probably selfish.
My, this is quite a rambly post for a Friday.
I’m continuing to un-muddle, I suppose. And, that’s what this space is for anyway. So, are you glad for the weekend? I have a lot of work to get done but I also want to do something crafty because making stuff helps me “work through” my issues. I’ll share whatever I end up making/doing (my wacom and camera are collecting dust – FOR SHAME!). I had a side project the past two weeks and the little bird up there was part of it. He’s cute, right?
have a happy weekend everybody!
images © Aimee McEwen