You have no idea (or maybe you do) how difficult it is for me not to post a HUGE “whoa is me, I’m so tired/lonely/afraid/sick/in over my head/for the love of gawd somebody please save me” post.

The baby has been sick with virus’ since day one of daycare. And so have I. Me, the germaphobe, that thought she had an immune system impervious to the sneakiest germ has now been put on antibiotics for a second time in two months. Turns out I was just a hermit before baby came and didn’t touch things or people or people’s things (ew). Baby only goes to daycare and home…and I only go to daycare, work, and home. Nobody has been sick at my work so I can safely blame daycare for all the germs. Baby also only has contact with me at home as her Dad is gone 5 weeks at a time (oh and he took the photo that’s above…I guess I should give him credit). Of course daycare denies any other baby in the infant room is sick…only my child…yeah I call bullshit. I can see and hear boogers from the second I walk into that place and two teachers were coughing this morning and yesterday another one walked out of the building in a medical mask.

A FUCKING MEDICAL MASK. (nope, no germs here)

Denial does nobody any good, sweetie. I don’t bring my sick child to daycare but I know other parents do. Maybe they have no choice? I can’t afford to miss work and take the baby to the doctor every week either but I do it anyway. Last week we went to the ER. Not looking forward to THAT bill…but I don’t care. My baby’s temp was 94.6 after 5 days of fevers and the pediatrician said GO, so we went. (she was okay, btw)

Bottom line is I’m underwater and not taking proper care of myself. Everything goes to the baby and I’m just waiting for it to get better. Which everyone says it will.

(takes a swig of mucinex)

But this is not the shit show that I want to write about, guys. I want to write about good things and motherhood. The good things about the tiny human that I didn’t know I could possibly have all this love for but here she is – and here I am feeling that I’d move mountains (plural!) just to make sure she’s happy and safe and healthy. She is the sweetest child. She smiles just for the sake of it and she laughs at nothing (or everything, I can’t tell).

The baby is 23 weeks today.

I worry I’m failing, that we are falling behind because of all these damn virus’ knocking the crap out of us (literally). Tummy time? What’s that? I’m just trying to get her to eat without throwing it all up. This past week I carried her around like she was a bottle of nitro glycerin for chrissakes. So, I’m ALSO supposed to put her on her stomach (which she hates) and while she’s there, coughing and crying, I’ll just suction all the mucous from her nose and mouth while failing to hold in my own coughs (and pee) while also body checking the 18 pound cat that just wants to LOVE ME and LAY ON TOP OF THE BABY SO THAT I WILL ACKNOWLEDGE HIS PRESENCE.

2 good things I learned yesterday:

Baby’s can’t get sinus infection (no sinuses)

Baby’s also can’t get Strep (no tonsils)

(heavy sigh)

I entered the baby in the Gerber Baby photo contest thing. Peer pressure. I’m not sure if I actually entered her because the website was all clunky. So I either unintentionally entered her 8 times or zero times. You would think if I had successfully entered her I would get an email or something. I’m sure I mucked that up and ruined my baby’s life forever and ever. Or totally didn’t. ♡

(inhales applesauce, pops cherry cough drop)

The contest lets you upload a video…not sure this even qualifies since reading the rules for entry but at least now I know how to make a video on my phone.