an impeccable sadness


Struggling a bit lately. I need to be honest because not admitting I’m feeling wobbly means staying stuck. I’m angry with myself, overthinking, overly critical, unsure about how best to push through so I’m taking things a day at a time, sometimes half a day. I’m frustrated and tired.

“Depression is an impeccable sadness.” I thought to myself last night as I trudged upstairs with the bowl of leftover Pad Thai I intended to eat in bed while watching ALL THE STAR TREK.

To cope with ‘myself’ I’ve been drawing, painting, listening to extremely sad music and tossing a lot of junk that’s been cluttering up the tiny townhouse. The herbs I planted a month ago are needing to be put to good use so I’ve decided to take the Pineapple Sage and make jelly, a simple syrup, then infuse it with vanilla in some sugar…maybe also a marinade (for chicken). There’s a ton of mint and basil too, so I’ll add the mint with cucumber to water (in a large pitcher) and let it sit in the fridge overnight – I honestly have no idea what to do with the basil. I’ve given some away already. I could make pesto, caprese salad or bruschetta with gluten-free bread. We’ll see. Great, now I’m hungry.

Let’s see, what else have I been up to…did this portrait of my friend’s dog, Levon, as a house warming gift. Took me a few hours and was a decent distraction; just emptied my brain and focused on the drawing. Inhaled a ton of charcoal dust – (cough, cough) really makes you feel ALIVE (cough). Got a few more projects planned that I’m hoping will help me deal with the depression in a more constructive way than just sleeping (or crying – which is kinda my favorite).

That’s all I’ve got for now, I’ll be fine, so you guys have a lovely weekend and stay hydrated! ♡

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